Prologue: Photography has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. My parents always had a film camera available. It was something I looked forward to on the weekends when we went to Costco. It almost became our responsibility as their sons to go to the “Photo” area and look for “Balasbas” amidst the “B” section. It reminds me of pharmacies pulling out your prescription. But it was fun.
My house had photo albums all over the place. And I could always pick up these large bibles and flip through them. Revisit vacations I couldn’t remember. Learn about places I’ve never been to.
I’ve always been fascinated by cameras. And when digital cameras started entering the consumer market, I remember my parents always taking pictures. Eventually, my brother got one of their old ones. And soon enough they got me one in 8th grade.
I think around that time, YouTube started taking off and Asian American creators blew up on the scene. Asian artists took over and created content non-stop. I was enthralled. And wanted to do the same.
By the time I got to high school, I still had my dinky, brown, Nikon Coolpix digital camera. I think it was a 5 or 6-megapixel camera. My best friend and I were obsessed with WongFu Productions. Asian American college students were making short films. My best friend and many others had Nikon DSLRs. And as the years passed, many of them took a photography elective, media production/TV course, yearbook, or journalism.
Even some of my cousins got DSLRs. One of my cousins changed majors to cinematography in college because he took the media course in high school too.
Over the years, my parents were generous enough to get my brother other digital cameras. I think at the end of high school and a good part of college, I was using a Lumix Panasonic digital camera. It had this crazy zoom and maybe like 12 or 15 megapixels. I primarily used it to take [home] videos.
And sometime during my freshman year of college, I became obsessed with shooting videos. I remember by 2012-2013 the iPhone took off, but my old slider text phone broke. So I was stuck with a Nokia phone for most of my freshman year of college. And my digital camera came with me everywhere.
I didn’t have the greatest freshman year, so I started using my camera as a way to capture whatever positive things happened that went on in my life. Fast forward a year, and I got an iPhone 5. And I became obsessed with capturing every moment of my life, much like many people are now.
I still didn’t have a DSLR, but I had a camera. And I started recording everything. I would say almost all of my videos were montages just to commemorate something that happened in my life. A realist approach to shooting. I would say, before social media made everything so accessible, I was creating recap videos all the time. Tell stories through the moments I captured.
In the summer of 2022, I finally got my hands on a mirrorless camera. The Sony ZV-E10. To be honest, I feel very insecure about holding a camera. Like a real one. I barely take it anywhere. And I feel like I barely use it. I’m afraid to.
In high school, there was a debut that my best friend and other classmates were hired to take photos. We weren’t popular enough to be invited to such a big party. He said he needed extra help, so I was hired too. I ran around taking photos with them. Just for all my photos to turn out unusable.
Every time I’ve touched a DSLR or taken a picture for someone. It always came out bad.
Even when I met Aya, she had a similar DSLR. And I thought it could be a chance for me to learn how to use a camera. But no, I was still terrible at taking a photo.
Over my young adult life, I’ve used GoPros, DJI Osmos, and my iPhone, and I’ve felt very comfortable with all of them. I got all the attachments, I captured so many moments and made so many videos to commemorate them. But now that I have this mirrorless camera. I feel stuck.
I primarily use the camera for streaming and work. I make instructional videos like I’ve shared previously. I’ve taken the camera out a few times: I got it to Anime Expo, Aya’s brother’s wedding, some school/work events, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and my cousin’s joint bachelorette/bachelor trip in PVR. But when I look through the photos and videos I take, they don’t even look usable.
I’ve gotten so accustomed to using my iPhone or a digital camera. It didn’t require any skill, just the ability to point and shoot. And over the years that I was curating memories, I felt and thought I was growing as a photographer/cinematographer by hobby.
I’m still coming to terms with the fact that I don’t know what I’m doing. And that I need to be more comfortable taking my camera everywhere. I think I’m also nervous, because a lot of the friends I’ve met recently all know how to use a camera. And when I come around with mine, I just feel like I’m getting judged.
I have a starter kit lens. And I still don’t fully understand how to properly adjust ISO, aperture, and the appropriate shutter speed for those things. Colors are too cold or blown out. My photos are out of focus. And could definitely be framed better.
I should honestly just run auto until I get comfortable with my camera. And I should also make time to do something with the photos/videos I take. Maybe then I’d feel more confident in holding the camera.
For now, I’ll keep getting my use out of it for streaming and making lessons for work. Until I get better, enjoy some of my favorite photos that were captured. I hope one day I actually know what I’m doing before I press the shutter.
Epilogue: It’s funny how many things I write and just get lost in my drafts. This is one of them. I used to love taking photos and videos. I used to try to capture everything to the point I think I was obsessed with getting every single moment.
When I met Aya, I became so moved that finally I have someone to share all these moments with. Someone who I find so beautiful that I wanted to share that with those around me. And for a long time, I wanted to learn how to take the best photos of her.
After sorting through photos and reading this post back to myself, I realize that I am the only thing stopping me from learning to take better photos. I noticed that in any of the photos I have stored, they’re mostly subjects I could point and shoot for the sake of capturing a memory. Regardless of the angle. But not necessarily to tell a story or show my perspective. Or get someone to focus on something specific. Just so we have a photo. And it made me wonder, how is that any different from me just using my iPhone.
But all my photos of Aya, whether good or bad lighting or focus, all have some kind of intention behind it. I think a lot of my favorite photos of Aya were taken on one of our phones. It’s clear that I got the hang of mastering the camera and how to frame it on my phone screen. A lot of what I started doing was recording memories for us to look back on. Things that my iPhone could capture and store for a quick edit later on.
But now, I don’t want to just look back at my camera roll. I want to take photos that take longer than a second to swipe by. I want take photos that you could admire the memory, the art, the story it tells. And for our sixth anniversary, I made her a photobook with some of the photos you’ll see here. It was really cool to see photos I took somewhere that aren’t social media or my camera roll. That Aya’s family and friends could actually look at and appreciate!
I hope that this means I will start taking more photos to share and find the confidence to share things that might not be the best photos, but I should share anyway c:
Balasbas Says 