Prologue: So much for keeping up with the blog LOL but I want to thank this audience in my small corner of the internet for reading whatever goes up. I hope that anyone who finds my stories might find it helpful. If you’re a new or old teacher. Or if you’re not in the field of education at all, thank you.
In order to create art, you have to keep living. It’s not to say that I haven’t been, but for the first time in a long time, I’ve been given the capacity to use my creative side and make something. I’ve been absent here because I’ve been a little more active on Instagram. I’ve come to terms with the fact that outreach and engagement need to be on a platform that is less wordy and more accessible. I think even Instagram in the way I post may need to evolve too, because I still write really long-winded captions that I don’t know if anyone reads.
Instagram was always meant for its pictures, so I started posting. After my absence here, I got pretty busy with my new job. Start-up culture is no joke. This new role has put a magnifying glass or a spotlight on all of my bad habits. I’ve had to face my poor time management. I don’t know what all of my bad habits are, but they’re definitely stemming from poor sleep schedules and tardiness. And it’s not like that isn’t new to me, it was honestly a pitfall I’ve had since the start of college, maybe even as far back as high school.
I was never really on time, I was typically a few minutes late. Sometimes it could be as scary as an hour or more depending on the situation. That was a serious tangent. But this is exactly what I mean. Now that I’m not in the classroom, a place that has a set structure on operation, I’m finding that I don’t. I probably posted before about using a planner as a task manager and really I burnt myself out from becoming so checklist-oriented. Then I realized that my checklists don’t always have an organization to them. They’re just another iteration of writing on a Post-it note and sticking it to your monitor.
So how does this connect back to living the past few months and being MIA from blogging? It’s the creative aspect. When I started the new job, I had a lot of free time. That’s particularly because I was in a training phase before job responsibilities were transitioned to me. But I joined an online creative community. Adrian Per’s Creative Community.
Adrian Per is a Filipino American, San Francisco native Film Director. He’s a self-made artist and has made a career out of his skill and seeks to inspire others to do the same. I’ve only known Adrian’s name through word of mouth from other social media influencers. I’ve seen his work through music videos and other content on YouTube. He’s one of those house/staple names of OG YouTube creators, but it’s not like you were going to find vlogs of him everywhere. Until this last year. He started creating content by himself and for others like him.
Watching his content from the classroom would continue feeding the long awaited ideas I had in my notes. The things I had planned for blogging, podcasting, and making videos. It was just hitting home all the reasons my friends encouraged me to share my story in the first place. But I didn’t have time, rather I never made time.
I couldn’t comprehend how TikTok or Instagram Teachers made time to make content. I think Adrian has said it himself on a podcast, that if you’re creating content, then you’re not actually doing the work. It’s not to throw shade at social media teachers, but honestly, I couldn’t find the time to day-in-a-life of a teacher when I had so much more to worry about. I was more focused on refining my curriculum materials than I was thinking of something that could go viral for teachers to find solace in, decompress with, or laugh at. This is why, ultimately, I just wanted to share resources and help other teachers.
Adrian Per started streaming on Twitch and I was so excited, that an old high school classmate put in word and an application out for moderators for his Twitch channel and Discord server. And once I got in, I realized how much I wasn’t ready for a creative community. I realized how outclassed I was. And I hadn’t felt that in a long time. And not just going to college or realizing how much smarter other people are in your class. But in something that you care about, that’s so close to your heart and you look at the skill and talent around you. And you just, stop.
I think the first time that happened to me was when I got to high school. And I saw other kid’s binder covers with an incredible anime-style drawing someone did. I already knew I wasn’t good, but I didn’t realize that the same people my age had years of skill or talent beyond mine. And what was worse, I was in band, so I couldn’t even learn how to grow my drawing skills in high school.
And here I was again, moderating Adrian’s streams while he did [art] work reviews. Banger after banger. Rising film directors, cinematographers, and photographers sharing this incredible work. I really felt like I had nothing to show for, despite the good amount of things I have posted on my various websites and socials. I just knew it wasn’t where I wanted to be. And it wasn’t where they were.
Work picked up and over the last 4 months of 2023, I was traveling almost every other week. I almost didn’t have time to create, again. I started missing Adrian’s streams and I was less active in the server. October passed and my goal was to start posting or creating something during Filipino American Heritage Month. And by the time I knew it, it was November.
In between work trips, I had been spending time creating and editing photos I took from Italy. And I think I got sick of myself making excuses. I kept thinking I had to post things a certain way, but I realized then I wasn’t doing it for myself. And so if you’ve been following along on my Instagram @balasbasays, it’s been fairly active the past one or two months. It might not be where I want to be, but it’s a good place to start for where I’m headed. And I think one of my biggest roadblocks in life has been that I’ve been comparing myself or aligning myself to what I’m seeing other creatives do and trying to make it look like theirs. When really, I have yet to even claim who I am as a creative.
Epilogue: To be honest, I don’t even know where this blog was going, I was supposed to highlight some of my recent photos if you don’t follow me on Instagram. But I think those photos deserve their own post too. Because I am pretty proud of how they came out. But, this was more of just dropping by and showing my appreciation for anyone that engages with my content.
The content I’ve been posting has started to become a blend of what I’ve been up to but also some self advertising being done for work. Part of my new role is to recruit teachers, and what better way to do that than channel my art in learning how to take photos while making content for my job. But also for myself.
And I think with that, I’m going to throw in some photos I took from my first walk around Florence, Italy. We’ll probably see these again in another post, but more to come I hope!
Thanks for tuning in and if you’re reading this far, there’s going to be a special 3rd anniversary live stream of the Wine Thursday Podcast on my Twitch Channel Saturday, January 13th, 2024 at 8PM PST. See you there!
https://www.twitch.tv/averyballsballs_
Balasbas Says 