“I think we got these degrees for our writing [and voices] to be read [and heard]”
I never thought of myself as a writer. Or being articulate with my words. When I graduated high school I wrote and mailed thank you cards to my relatives. I wrote to each family a personal message of gratitude for their love, guidance, and support through my adolescence and getting me to that point in my life. One of my aunts adored what I wrote. She said it was heartfelt and beautifully written. That was the first time someone had ever told me that my writing was beautiful.
I’ve become someone who finds writing to be a tool of expression. And probably the most powerful tool next to your voice. So I have been encouraged by many loved ones to share it. I love forms of art. Writing, photography, cinema, music, and drawing. I’ve always been attracted to or felt this desire to create. But I never had the confidence in doing anything with it—especially when everyone around me could draw these TV-like images. I would simply create for fun or to be like mimic someone else’s art. When I saw someone’s imagination run wild, I wanted to experience the same thing. But I could never figure out how and discouraged myself from even trying.
“I think we got these degrees for our writing [and voices] to be read [and heard].”
Eric eroles
My co-worker told me that after he suggested I get back into writing. He always saw me scribbling things down at the end of the day. My girlfriend expressed the love and emotions she felt in my writing with her actions and her own writing. My brother and one of my closest friends look at some of the work I do and encouraged me to curate or post it somewhere. Until today, all of the things I have ever written were trapped in lined paper, a google/word document, or the notes of my phone.
As a friend and educator, I don’t take my own advice. I tell others to curate, to document, create, and share. But I rarely do it myself. Over time I fell in love with these mediums that allowed me to be creative—simply because I never thought I was. After I started my graduate program for teaching, I learned about this notion that,
“Everyone is a learner”
Some education theorist, professor, or author
And this informed a lot of the work I do now as a teacher. My studies in the field of education revolved around lots of reflexive practices. It required me to dig into my primary and secondary education, examine what shaped me into the student that I was, into the incapable learner I thought I was.
I always thought of myself as average. Normal. Nothing particularly special about me. I wasn’t a 4.0, but I wasn’t failing either. I hovered around “below standards” a lot. In college, I wasn’t like other kids in my English Literature program. I wasn’t in love with the Harry Potter series growing up. Or a book worm. Or with a pen and paper in hand. Or a poet. Or a creative writer. I always thought that people were born with creativity. And that I was missing that bone or gene that would have made me creative. But then I learned, that I could learn to be creative, despite the fact that I just didn’t have the confidence in myself to believe that my ideas were unique. That what I could create was artistic. That my story, my writing, my art—is important because it tells the story only I can tell.
Prologue: So much for keeping up with the blog LOL but I want to thank this audience in my small corner of the internet for reading whatever goes up. I hope that anyone who finds my stories might find it helpful. If you’re a new or old teacher. Or if you’re not in the field of education at all, thank you.
In order to create art, you have to keep living. It’s not to say that I haven’t been, but for the first time in a long time, I’ve been given the capacity to use my creative side and make something. I’ve been absent here because I’ve been a little more active on Instagram. I’ve come to terms with the fact that outreach and engagement need to be on a platform that is less wordy and more accessible. I think even Instagram in the way I post may need to evolve too, because I still write really long-winded captions that I don’t know if anyone reads.
Instagram was always meant for its pictures, so I started posting. After my absence here, I got pretty busy with my new job. Start-up culture is no joke. This new role has put a magnifying glass or a spotlight on all of my bad habits. I’ve had to face my poor time management. I don’t know what all of my bad habits are, but they’re definitely stemming from poor sleep schedules and tardiness. And it’s not like that isn’t new to me, it was honestly a pitfall I’ve had since the start of college, maybe even as far back as high school.
I was never really on time, I was typically a few minutes late. Sometimes it could be as scary as an hour or more depending on the situation. That was a serious tangent. But this is exactly what I mean. Now that I’m not in the classroom, a place that has a set structure on operation, I’m finding that I don’t. I probably posted before about using a planner as a task manager and really I burnt myself out from becoming so checklist-oriented. Then I realized that my checklists don’t always have an organization to them. They’re just another iteration of writing on a Post-it note and sticking it to your monitor.
So how does this connect back to living the past few months and being MIA from blogging? It’s the creative aspect. When I started the new job, I had a lot of free time. That’s particularly because I was in a training phase before job responsibilities were transitioned to me. But I joined an online creative community. Adrian Per’s Creative Community.
Adrian Per is a Filipino American, San Francisco native Film Director. He’s a self-made artist and has made a career out of his skill and seeks to inspire others to do the same. I’ve only known Adrian’s name through word of mouth from other social media influencers. I’ve seen his work through music videos and other content on YouTube. He’s one of those house/staple names of OG YouTube creators, but it’s not like you were going to find vlogs of him everywhere. Until this last year. He started creating content by himself and for others like him.
Watching his content from the classroom would continue feeding the long awaited ideas I had in my notes. The things I had planned for blogging, podcasting, and making videos. It was just hitting home all the reasons my friends encouraged me to share my story in the first place. But I didn’t have time, rather I never made time.
I couldn’t comprehend how TikTok or Instagram Teachers made time to make content. I think Adrian has said it himself on a podcast, that if you’re creating content, then you’re not actually doing the work. It’s not to throw shade at social media teachers, but honestly, I couldn’t find the time to day-in-a-life of a teacher when I had so much more to worry about. I was more focused on refining my curriculum materials than I was thinking of something that could go viral for teachers to find solace in, decompress with, or laugh at. This is why, ultimately, I just wanted to share resources and help other teachers.
Adrian Per started streaming on Twitch and I was so excited, that an old high school classmate put in word and an application out for moderators for his Twitch channel and Discord server. And once I got in, I realized how much I wasn’t ready for a creative community. I realized how outclassed I was. And I hadn’t felt that in a long time. And not just going to college or realizing how much smarter other people are in your class. But in something that you care about, that’s so close to your heart and you look at the skill and talent around you. And you just, stop.
I think the first time that happened to me was when I got to high school. And I saw other kid’s binder covers with an incredible anime-style drawing someone did. I already knew I wasn’t good, but I didn’t realize that the same people my age had years of skill or talent beyond mine. And what was worse, I was in band, so I couldn’t even learn how to grow my drawing skills in high school.
And here I was again, moderating Adrian’s streams while he did [art] work reviews. Banger after banger. Rising film directors, cinematographers, and photographers sharing this incredible work. I really felt like I had nothing to show for, despite the good amount of things I have posted on my various websites and socials. I just knew it wasn’t where I wanted to be. And it wasn’t where they were.
Work picked up and over the last 4 months of 2023, I was traveling almost every other week. I almost didn’t have time to create, again. I started missing Adrian’s streams and I was less active in the server. October passed and my goal was to start posting or creating something during Filipino American Heritage Month. And by the time I knew it, it was November.
In between work trips, I had been spending time creating and editing photos I took from Italy. And I think I got sick of myself making excuses. I kept thinking I had to post things a certain way, but I realized then I wasn’t doing it for myself. And so if you’ve been following along on my Instagram @balasbasays, it’s been fairly active the past one or two months. It might not be where I want to be, but it’s a good place to start for where I’m headed. And I think one of my biggest roadblocks in life has been that I’ve been comparing myself or aligning myself to what I’m seeing other creatives do and trying to make it look like theirs. When really, I have yet to even claim who I am as a creative.
Epilogue: To be honest, I don’t even know where this blog was going, I was supposed to highlight some of my recent photos if you don’t follow me on Instagram. But I think those photos deserve their own post too. Because I am pretty proud of how they came out. But, this was more of just dropping by and showing my appreciation for anyone that engages with my content.
The content I’ve been posting has started to become a blend of what I’ve been up to but also some self advertising being done for work. Part of my new role is to recruit teachers, and what better way to do that than channel my art in learning how to take photos while making content for my job. But also for myself.
And I think with that, I’m going to throw in some photos I took from my first walk around Florence, Italy. We’ll probably see these again in another post, but more to come I hope!
Thanks for tuning in and if you’re reading this far, there’s going to be a special 3rd anniversary live stream of the Wine Thursday Podcast on my Twitch Channel Saturday, January 13th, 2024 at 8PM PST. See you there!
Today marks my last summer vacation—the end of my teaching career. I honestly don’t know if I would go back even though I could. But I’m not sure how worth it the pay and treatment a teacher gets would be later on in life.
The decision came down to a common motif I’m seeing in this generation of young adult workers: flexibility, remote work, pay, passion, burnout, identity, career, and work culture.
Aya and I moved out of SF during the pandemic. I kept trying to find a way back but it wasn’t affordable on a teacher salary. So I commuted from the East Bay for the last two years. Worked my ass off as a Department Head. Gave so much of myself to think something would be different.
For those of you who have known, I’m sure you’re probably overhearing it from me 😅 but for context:
This August, I was slated to be an Assistant Principal at my school site. Since Dec 2022, I had been working on job, university, and scholarship applications to help me get into USF’s M.A. in Organization & Leadership with an administrative services credential. USF admitted me, and the director of the O&L program wrote an appeasement letter on my behalf to allow me to work as an AP. I earned a few scholarships to help me with affording the program. I completed multiple interviews and panels with the district. And I never got an official offer letter or contract.
I was expected to sign government policy-making forms, tax forms, and provide other information before an official offer letter, contract, and pay were even presented or clarified.
Since I applied for the AP position in January 2023. I was constantly reassured that I would receive proper pay. But without the credential, I know I wouldn’t be breaking the six-figure mark posted on the district’s salary schedule. It was never clarified if I would even be making more than my Department Head pay ($79k) which isn’t much, to begin with, or even allow me to live in SF.
I waited for 6 months and on June 6th I declared accepting a new job offer, I got an email from HR stating, “Avery is withdrawing his offer?” I’m lucky I wasn’t hit as hard as many SFUSD teachers have been with the missing pay over the last few years. But I don’t get how the district expects to retain educators and people who actually care to be there if they won’t treat them properly or with urgency.
I realized that the traditional way of teaching wasn’t working pre-pandemic and that post-pandemic something needed to change. Over the last two years, I’ve made a lot of changes to my teaching to better fit the needs of my students. A style of teaching fosters collaboration and empowers student agency. I had the pleasure of redesigning my classroom to help bolster this style of teaching I piloted. If you follow my blog @balasbasays or tuned into our podcast @winethursdaypodcast then maybe you’ve heard about how I create videos for my students to self-pace my curriculum.
In those 6 months, I had the honor of being a guest on the Modern Classrooms Project podcast to talk about how I implement reflection into my teaching and the MCP model. Two months after I recorded the podcast, MCP reached out to me about a job opportunity to help implement their instructional model at schools in Oakland. They were basically offering me a job for something I was piloting as almost a hobby or for self-interest and better benefits 🫠
So, today marks my first day (well now second day) as a Partnerships Manager for the Modern Classrooms Project. A non-profit organization that helps teachers/schools rethink education by implementing a blended learning, self-paced, and mastery-based instruction model. I’m excited to help teachers implement and find the same thrill, joy, and impact that this model has on students.
I know there’s a lot for me to learn, especially when it comes to recruitment and portfolio management. But I’ve come to realize that if life is like a book, then why would I want the next chapter to be the same as the last. My uncle told me that my passion hasn’t changed; it’s just the work I want to do has and will be even more impactful than the box I was kept in.
I’m obviously sad to leave the classroom so soon. I’ve learned and grown so much as an adult because of my career in teaching. But I definitely burned myself out with how much of myself I was giving. I embarked on a career that asks so much of an individual that I started seeing the signs of losing sight of who I was. And I want to have a career that allows me to do both.
I hope to see where life takes me from here and pushes me to do more than just turn my hobbies into something that allows me more time for work.
Although I won’t have my own classroom anymore, I’m excited to help others experience the same success I had. I hope to help make other teachers’ lives sustainable and improve the quality of learning and college readiness in schools.
Epilogue: I learned a lot in my five years of teaching. I think more than I could have asked for. I’m really fortunate for all the opportunities, mentorship, and experience I gained from ALHS and SFUSD. Back when I was choosing between job offers, I wasn’t sure which one was right for me. My original goal was to teach back at my alma mater, but college changed my perspective on education and who I should be serving. For personal reasons too, I wasn’t ready to leave San Francisco and I’m glad I stuck to that feeling. My time with SFUSD launched me into a large network of incredible educators. Folks who I worked under bolstered my curriculum design, transformed my thinking, and provided me leadership qualities I didn’t know I was looking for. Despite the pandemic hitting, a lot of the projects I embarked on prepared me to lead my department. Although I have written a lot about my struggles as a department head, it has shaped me into a leader I never realized I was. Maybe in another blog, I’ll talk about my short-lived experience in my second graduate program.
If not for these past five years, I would not have been pushed to new heights to look for something more. And find something that I think is powerful enough to revolutionize or change education as it stands.
Even though my career as a teacher has ended, I feel more empowered to speak out about my time as a young educator. And hopefully, now I have more time to actually blog and maintain these shared resources.
I completed my first/second day of work. It was thrilling and bizarre at the same time. I worked remotely before, but as a teacher, it still demands a lot of your time. The majority of my time today was not as demanding. I found myself with a lot of wonderings of what to do with this time. Of course, it’s just day 1 and there’s clearly a lot coming my way in the next few weeks.
But today gave a really great preview into the work cut out for me. I met my director, Michael, who is great and supportive right from the jump. I feel like the mentors I’ve had in my life have translated and almost reincarnated into different people. Just like my teaching, they’re the teacher I never had. Michael expressed he didn’t want to throw me into the deep end right away, but I’m glad I said yes and participated in some of the meetings he brought up today. I can see that there’s more to just the Oakland partnerships. If anything, these projects on the West Coast will help facilitate the foundation for an Oakland partnership.
Well, I got a lot of work cut out for me and lots of new digital tools to learn. I look forward to actually blogging more or returning to make content again. See you in the next one!
Prologue: Photography has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. My parents always had a film camera available. It was something I looked forward to on the weekends when we went to Costco. It almost became our responsibility as their sons to go to the “Photo” area and look for “Balasbas” amidst the “B” section. It reminds me of pharmacies pulling out your prescription. But it was fun.
My house had photo albums all over the place. And I could always pick up these large bibles and flip through them. Revisit vacations I couldn’t remember. Learn about places I’ve never been to.
I’ve always been fascinated by cameras. And when digital cameras started entering the consumer market, I remember my parents always taking pictures. Eventually, my brother got one of their old ones. And soon enough they got me one in 8th grade.
I think around that time, YouTube started taking off and Asian American creators blew up on the scene. Asian artists took over and created content non-stop. I was enthralled. And wanted to do the same.
By the time I got to high school, I still had my dinky, brown, Nikon Coolpix digital camera. I think it was a 5 or 6-megapixel camera. My best friend and I were obsessed with WongFu Productions. Asian American college students were making short films. My best friend and many others had Nikon DSLRs. And as the years passed, many of them took a photography elective, media production/TV course, yearbook, or journalism.
Even some of my cousins got DSLRs. One of my cousins changed majors to cinematography in college because he took the media course in high school too.
Over the years, my parents were generous enough to get my brother other digital cameras. I think at the end of high school and a good part of college, I was using a Lumix Panasonic digital camera. It had this crazy zoom and maybe like 12 or 15 megapixels. I primarily used it to take [home] videos.
And sometime during my freshman year of college, I became obsessed with shooting videos. I remember by 2012-2013 the iPhone took off, but my old slider text phone broke. So I was stuck with a Nokia phone for most of my freshman year of college. And my digital camera came with me everywhere.
I didn’t have the greatest freshman year, so I started using my camera as a way to capture whatever positive things happened that went on in my life. Fast forward a year, and I got an iPhone 5. And I became obsessed with capturing every moment of my life, much like many people are now.
I still didn’t have a DSLR, but I had a camera. And I started recording everything. I would say almost all of my videos were montages just to commemorate something that happened in my life. A realist approach to shooting. I would say, before social media made everything so accessible, I was creating recap videos all the time. Tell stories through the moments I captured.
In the summer of 2022, I finally got my hands on a mirrorless camera. The Sony ZV-E10. To be honest, I feel very insecure about holding a camera. Like a real one. I barely take it anywhere. And I feel like I barely use it. I’m afraid to.
In high school, there was a debut that my best friend and other classmates were hired to take photos. We weren’t popular enough to be invited to such a big party. He said he needed extra help, so I was hired too. I ran around taking photos with them. Just for all my photos to turn out unusable.
Every time I’ve touched a DSLR or taken a picture for someone. It always came out bad.
Even when I met Aya, she had a similar DSLR. And I thought it could be a chance for me to learn how to use a camera. But no, I was still terrible at taking a photo.
Over my young adult life, I’ve used GoPros, DJI Osmos, and my iPhone, and I’ve felt very comfortable with all of them. I got all the attachments, I captured so many moments and made so many videos to commemorate them. But now that I have this mirrorless camera. I feel stuck.
I primarily use the camera for streaming and work. I make instructional videos like I’ve shared previously. I’ve taken the camera out a few times: I got it to Anime Expo, Aya’s brother’s wedding, some school/work events, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and my cousin’s joint bachelorette/bachelor trip in PVR. But when I look through the photos and videos I take, they don’t even look usable.
I’ve gotten so accustomed to using my iPhone or a digital camera. It didn’t require any skill, just the ability to point and shoot. And over the years that I was curating memories, I felt and thought I was growing as a photographer/cinematographer by hobby.
I’m still coming to terms with the fact that I don’t know what I’m doing. And that I need to be more comfortable taking my camera everywhere. I think I’m also nervous, because a lot of the friends I’ve met recently all know how to use a camera. And when I come around with mine, I just feel like I’m getting judged.
I have a starter kit lens. And I still don’t fully understand how to properly adjust ISO, aperture, and the appropriate shutter speed for those things. Colors are too cold or blown out. My photos are out of focus. And could definitely be framed better.
I should honestly just run auto until I get comfortable with my camera. And I should also make time to do something with the photos/videos I take. Maybe then I’d feel more confident in holding the camera.
For now, I’ll keep getting my use out of it for streaming and making lessons for work. Until I get better, enjoy some of my favorite photos that were captured. I hope one day I actually know what I’m doing before I press the shutter.
Epilogue: It’s funny how many things I write and just get lost in my drafts. This is one of them. I used to love taking photos and videos. I used to try to capture everything to the point I think I was obsessed with getting every single moment.
When I met Aya, I became so moved that finally I have someone to share all these moments with. Someone who I find so beautiful that I wanted to share that with those around me. And for a long time, I wanted to learn how to take the best photos of her.
After sorting through photos and reading this post back to myself, I realize that I am the only thing stopping me from learning to take better photos. I noticed that in any of the photos I have stored, they’re mostly subjects I could point and shoot for the sake of capturing a memory. Regardless of the angle. But not necessarily to tell a story or show my perspective. Or get someone to focus on something specific. Just so we have a photo. And it made me wonder, how is that any different from me just using my iPhone.
But all my photos of Aya, whether good or bad lighting or focus, all have some kind of intention behind it. I think a lot of my favorite photos of Aya were taken on one of our phones. It’s clear that I got the hang of mastering the camera and how to frame it on my phone screen. A lot of what I started doing was recording memories for us to look back on. Things that my iPhone could capture and store for a quick edit later on.
But now, I don’t want to just look back at my camera roll. I want to take photos that take longer than a second to swipe by. I want take photos that you could admire the memory, the art, the story it tells. And for our sixth anniversary, I made her a photobook with some of the photos you’ll see here. It was really cool to see photos I took somewhere that aren’t social media or my camera roll. That Aya’s family and friends could actually look at and appreciate!
I hope that this means I will start taking more photos to share and find the confidence to share things that might not be the best photos, but I should share anyway c:
I’ve never done anything with food content before. My partner, Aya, is an aspiring chef and several weeks or a few months ago, she asked if I could edit a cooking video for her, and of course, I’d gladly do that.
I don’t consume a lot of food content, but enough that I’ve watched alongside Aya. I was excited about editing this project because it felt different from the videos I usually make. I’m so accustomed to making montages and editing around the song I choose. Searching for clips I’ve curated over the year or events I attended. It was kind of nice already having the media shot, and I just had to bring it together.
But I can see where editing can get mundane and could be more varied for artists. Family/friends in this industry have shared with me how editing is their least favorite part of the job as it takes the most time or effort versus shooting and directing. Although it’s far from their caliber of work, I enjoy editing and creatively using my brain to make videos.
I hope to help Aya shoot and produce more cooking content in the future. Things that bring her joy and allow her to share her craft with the world. It was honestly really fun to edit, and I hope you enjoy it! Follow my partner, Aya, at @ayagabmor and check out her Twitch: @ayapapayaaa to follow along as she plays Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom!
Prologue: This isn’t some sort of five-year recap. Or things I learned over the first four years of teaching. Maybe I’ll write something about that in another post. Instead, I’m realizing what they mean when you hit year 5.
Year 5 — is the average year a teacher burns out. Now that I’m here, I get it. Maybe teachers burn out for different reasons. But I think today’s generation of teachers burn out because of being overworked. This is not to say teachers have never been overworked. Or that this is some sort of oppression Olympics.
But from what I’ve gathered, many veteran teachers express, “I’ve done my time” when it comes to extracurricular responsibilities.
I feel like I’ve written about it before, but since my arrival at Lincoln, I noticed a really low participation and engagement rate from our staff. The school culture itself already has a poor student life culture, but the staff has felt so distant since I started.
There was only certain staff that were involved with anything. An example of this would be our club sponsors. I don’t know all of them, but at our recent meeting, there were about two dozen teachers in the room? Maybe less? Out of our 200 staff? Granted, not everyone goes to meetings.
But clubs in my opinion, are the easiest form of extracurricular responsibility at Lincoln. You’re mostly just a name on a paper and open your room for kids to run the show.
On the classroom end, it’s shocking to see how drastic the change in students has become. If you’ve kept up with my posts, you know that many of my issues have been staff related. As of recently, they slowly become student related. From my first year of teaching, I adored and was impressed by the level of maturity and agency in my sophomores or 10th graders.
Today, they are arguably worse than the 9th graders I had during my first year of teaching. I thought that this year would be particularly better than the last, simply because 9th graders had the opportunity to acclimate to high school.
The 21-22 school year, students had a clear developmental gap. They were radio silent until they made friends. Then they turned into some of the most immature students I had ever worked with. By comparison, I thought they were the worst. I went into the Fall ’22 semester with 11/12 repeat students being the ones I had issues with as 10th graders. Only for them to turn over a new leaf and become responsible young adults.
Even though these repeat students became the least of my problems, these new 10th graders are on a whole other level. I think after five years of teaching, I am definitely jaded by students who have taken advantage of my patience or personality. And these students walk all over me more than any class has. They even walk all over each other; it’s chaos.
Teaching is a long game, so I have faith these students will change. But the amount of energy these students sap in one period is depressing. By 6th period, one of my most chill classes, I cannot provide the energy or support those juniors, or 11th graders deserve.
On a positive note, in my fifth year of teaching, I feel confident in my curriculum. But it’s unfortunate that I feel this sort of confidence or self-determination at the height of my burnout. I don’t think I’ve gone into detail about my curriculum as of late. And I think I need to do that to share the more positive aspects of my career. Revel in my own successes.
Even with many of the staff issues I wrote about, though not resolved, I’ve had a lot of better experiences with my department in the last two months. For the first time, I feel like I’m doing my job right instead of walking around with a blindfold. It takes a lot of preparation, but I’m glad I’m receiving less pushback and more open-mindedness from my staff members. Things are looking up and I hope that we can successfully collaborate to make inclusive expectations for each and every student we serve.
This year, I put too much on my plate. I think subconsciously, I overestimated the time that MCP gave me. If I can walk out of this year still willing to go another, then I should be able to do anything. Though I’ve had worse students at schools with less funding or support, dealing with students that don’t listen ever, I think, is still worse. At least at these harder-to-teach schools, I was able to make connections with my students. And use the rapport to facilitate and create accessible means of learning.
I think moving forward, it’s time to put my foot down. There’s a fine line between self-pacing and free-time, and these students are definitely taking advantage of our classroom model instead of using it for growth.
Epilogue 4/30/23: It’s been almost the entire school year since I drafted this post about my feelings after the first grading period of the Fall 2022 semester. And to say the least, my feelings haven’t really changed; if anything, the school year has barely gotten better. I was hopeful for every single passing grading period. At the start of the new semester, sure, kids have grown, but the sapping of my energy still exists. This is the first time I’ve experienced such a large number of students either not improving or still remaining in the D/F range the entire school year.
I think this school year has shown us the actual effect of the pandemic, the real impacts of learning loss. And this is just the beginning. Teacher education programs did not prepare us for a post-pandemic world, and though we’re still navigating it, the lack of tools, resources, and staffing is burning teachers out.
I have new gadgets and gizmos, tips, and tricks that should honestly make teaching more enjoyable. I even just got my classroom redesigned this year (click here for full blog) But I’ve come to realize that the five-year statistical burnout is real. Teaching is unsustainable. And though I wrote about the kids sapping my energy, it’s really the systemic inequities of an overpopulated and understaffed institution.
Although I had some heated feelings in this post about my feelings toward classroom behavior this year, I’m still hopeful things will get better. Other staff members have reported that 9th graders are a little better this year. I hope that as time goes on, we can reimagine and change how learning looks for our students. To provide more support, funding, and resources for our teachers.
While writing this post, I went into my other drafts to see how much I’ve repeated, only to find some hope and aspirations in my writing. A lot has changed for me in the last school year, and even just in 2023 alone. So here’s a friendly reminder to look back, reflect, and use it as fuel to move forward.
Kind of shocked I haven’t posted about any of the ABxAM anniversary videos. When I think back to the most recent years, I’m usually so caught up with the end-of-year festivities, the holidays, Aya’s birthday, and the end of the semester. I almost rush stitching a video together between Christmas and New Years.
But because I put it off and dedicated a weekend, I had to sort/edit. I feel like I had a really clear mindset when working on this project. That’s not to say that the previous anniversary videos I’ve made for Aya and me are any less special. They were projects that I worked on in small pockets of time here and there.
I swear I wrote about it somewhere, but I guess not publicly. If it’s not clear, I enjoy making videos as a hobby! I wish I was better at it and had more to share or post. But for what I’m capable of doing, all I initially set out to do was capture memories and have something to look back on.
Every year Aya and I have been together, I have been making anniversary videos. The first-anniversary video I made for her was to show her what I saw. How I viewed the world with her in it.
I was already in the mindset of recording or capturing everything I could. And the following years, it did give me purpose in recording moments of our life. You can check-out all the other videos in the playlist below!
As I was editing this six year anniversary video, I realized how much we traveled and how much we did in 2022. I’ve talked about my time management before and how I feel like I’m constantly running. And looking back at this video, I can see that we kept busy. But every trip or vacation was very much what I needed. Quality time with Aya and an escape from my hectic life as a teacher. There was so much joy in each of the memories. I can’t find the words to explain what I’m feeling, but I think I’m just excited and happy.
It makes me see how much growth has taken place over the last few years, resulting in such a great 2022. And I can only wish for more in 2023 for both of us.
When I got hired, my site had just gone through WASC and a part of the expectations were PLCs or Professional Learning Communities. I’m not sure why, but they said it was “…imperative that the site explore [PLCs]”. I wasn’t here before WASC, but it could be that the site was not growing as a community and they maybe saw a large wedge between our faculty. That’s just from my first-hand experience and third-party perspective coming to this school.
Back in 2018, I joined a few PLCs because they sounded like opportunities for me to grow. I joined the ASB one because of my high school student life. But as a new teacher, I was also a part of another meeting group, basically a PLC. Then my co-worker homies and I were also doing research to build a Social Justice program at our school.
The district gave us feedback and said we had to rename our program, which is now known as the Public Health Academy. At the time, we didn’t have the credentials to call ourselves an academy, so we applied for the district’s Superintendent’s Innovation Fellowship grant and was awarded $200,000 to redesign our classrooms and design our program.
Fall 2022: It’s been pretty exciting to work with furniture that feels futuristic. It’s great to see that students can feel comfortable but also get to work if they need to.
For an overview/breakdown of my interior design choices, check out the vlog I made on my classroom upgrade:
It’s been long overdue. And I wish that this furniture came in Spring 2020 with my original students. Many of them see my room through the vlog and wish they could have experienced their fond memories with such an upgraded and cooler classroom.
Even many of my most recent students, who are now seniors. They look into the room with envy as anyone would. Many of those, c/o 2023, have become my TA (teacher’s aid) this year. Many of which I asked for their opinions on the room’s layout. From the initial vlog, there has been a lot of changes to create better separation of space for each and every student.
At the start of the school year, with my open seating policy, the “chilled out corner” was monopolized by students who primarily didn’t do their work. When I was a quiet-shy Asian kid, I wouldn’t have the courage to ask someone if I could even sit next to them with the anxiety of a “No” or being bullied. My TAs felt similar, and decided to redesign the couch area to be a combination for comfort and study.
They also moved the “potted plant chairs” to the nook where the Promethean (that 85″ TV you see in the vlog) was and created a smaller isolated group area by the window.
Another update from the vlog is that my bulletin boards were replaced with whiteboards. So now I have whiteboards on both sides of the room. This allows for my high wooden table scholars to have access to a whiteboard when it’s time for a whiteboard-oriented activity.
The TAs rearranged their table setting to accommodate for my student teachers and themselves. Really opening up space in the classroom for us to spread out the whiteboard tables and seating arrangement.
Epilogue: The most rewarding part was seeing student’s reactions as they came into the classroom. They were shocked how different it looked, yet it was quite the same. They were very vocal about how much more they liked the room. And students felt the new spaces were accessible. And I saw an increase in productivity.
If I ever find the time, maybe I’ll take another shot at recording another vlog of the current classroom set up. There’s limitless ideas to the arrangement of my new classroom.
To be honest, I wrote my frustrations during Summer 2021 somewhere. Probably in a draft I never posted. That or the pandemic is just blurring together. I ended the 2020-2021 SY doing all this crazy tech stuff. I earned a level 1 Nearpod Educator certificate. I got promoted to the head of the English department. And suddenly, we were expected to return to in-person learning despite the lack of vaccines available for children.
In 2020, I finished clearing my preliminary teacher credential by creating a self-paced video series on argument essay writing:
Then, in 2021, and after learning how to use Nearpod, I tried to make a “better” version of these videos, which arguably are worse, because they’re really long videos. But the functionality behind the checks for understanding or student engagement was better formatted thanks to Nearpod:
In some capacity, I became obsessed with trying to figure out how to self-pace learning. Or create learning that met students’ varying needs.
Right after syllabus day, Facebook fed me some article about self-pacing. And this teaching model that used videos, but focused on revision and practice so students could master what they were learning. It literally sounded like what I’ve been moving towards and what my capstone professor left me with.
And I proposed to my students to give me a week to learn about this teaching model. And by the end of the second week, I spent 31 out of the next 38 weeks scripting my lessons, recording, editing, and posting instructional videos.
Over the past three years, I made 138 videos.
There are about 38 weeks of school from August to May, according to my district’s academic calendar. And this year I expected to chill out. That by my 4th year, all my curriculum was set. All I had to do was pull up my slides and go auto-pilot into teaching.
Over the past three years, I made 138 videos.
28 videos in 2020
18 videos 2020 – May 2021
92 videos from August 2021 – May 2022
In the 10 months of the 21-22 school year and 31 out of the 38 weeks I developed and launched this teaching model, I made at least three videos a week. And it isn’t just about the videos, I felt like I found something that spoke to me as a teacher. And that I thought would benefit all my students throughout my entire teaching career.
The teaching model was created by a non-profit organization known as The Modern Classrooms Project (MCP). It’s “a movement of educators in implementing a self-paced, mastery-based instructional model that leverages technology to foster human connection, authentic learning, and social-emotional growth.”
After a week of completing their Free Course, I decided to start building my own Modern Classroom. I rabbit-holed into their podcast. I listened to it every day on the way to and from work. I introduced the model by lecturing the kids about it, only for the podcast to tell me “The best way to teach the model is to do the model”. I spent the first few weeks letting students self-pace through my typical community-building activities while I worked on my first instructional video that overviewed how the class will function as a Modern Classroom.
I did a full unit for 10th & 11th grade:
10th grade YT playlist:
11th grade YT playlist:
It honestly was one of the most stressful and fun things I’ve done, though I think every year since I’ve embarked on this teaching journey has felt that way in some capacity. But I feel like this teaching model took all of my hobbies and passions, all these broken joints and tools I had about teaching, and put them together into a functioning machine.
The results of this teaching model spoke for themselves before the unit was over. Within the first week, students were organically collaborating with their peers. They were asking deeper questions like “So I think I understand how Naturalism is like the counter narrative, but I’m not sure I fully get how…” versus “What are we doing right now?”. It opened up more 1:1 time with all of my students. And I could actually reach, each and every student if I wanted to.
MCP has their teachers do a before-implementation and after-implementation survey. And I was blown away with the results:
Student quotes:
I like that its self paced and everything is basically up to the students but if you ever need there is always time to talk to a teacher
I like that the assignment due dates are flexible (meaning you don’t penalize us if we don’t get it done perfectly on time). I also like that I have a lot of time to work in class, as I am usually very busy after school.
I enjoy that everything is self paced and that there isn’t any lecturing during class time. I also really enjoy how everything is mastery based grading rather than true correctness or having to be on time.
i like how we have the freedom to do things we need to during class and how you put videos and audio recordings to help us with the assignments
I like that this class allow us to work independently at our own rhythm because I think that working independently is a skill that is necessary for higher education and better time management.
I really like how this class is self paced. Even though I always have something challenging to do in this class, I enjoy the amount of time we’re given to complete the assignment because it allows me to take a break from my other classes.
That you give us so much induvial time, yet your always available to help us
I like how I can take my time at my own pace and learn without feeling rushed to learn at a pace where I wouldn’t understand it is that I am learning.
The end of year data is even more absurd and drastic:
Before MCP v. Full School Year of MCPMid to End of Year Comparison
I’m shocked that even after all the stress I went through with grading (over 200+ late assignments on the last week of school), all the procrastination, the extensions of extensions, that students still felt MCP improved their livelihoods as academics.
Epilogue:
I feel like I should do a separate post about what I did for MCP. My journey or more specifics creating everything. The process of making videos. Becoming the first Distinguished Modern Classroom Educator in San Francisco (getting certified) and even taking the virtual mentorship program for more insight.
It was a transformative journey and I now find teaching more sustainable. And more exciting. I’ve always been an educator whose strong suit is the rapport, community, and relationships I have with my students. And now I can leverage that while also having a “rigorous” college-preparatory curriculum.
To keep up with the lessons I’m sharing with students, stay tuned or subscribe to my YouTube Channel
I told him I didn’t have a favorite, but if I did, it wasn’t them. It was the class above them. He still asked me every day, for the next 2 years. Each class he was in lowkey pushed my buttons. It tested my patience and understanding in my role as the adult in charge. Eventually, he began contributing ideas to shape the classroom. And he became my TA his senior year. He’s off to UC Santa Cruz.
I had another student who always asked me for extra credit. And not because she was failing. But because she was so eager to have the highest grades. She always asked for more challenging work. Or something else to do. And her teacher told me that the program she’s in required me to just push the kids a little more. But in reality, she was pushing me to be a better teacher. She also became my TA her senior year. She’s off to UC Santa Barbra
There were also kids who didn’t annoy me. Who were quiet, but ultimately appreciative of what I did for them. I didn’t really notice their kindness until they returned mine with theirs or held space for me instead. If anything, they gave me more flack because I wasn’t caring for myself. One became my TA for two years through graduation. The other one flaked but still would be just as supportive. They’re off to UCLA
There were kids who made life-long friendships in my class. The ones that have fun in your class but make your room come alive at lunch. Some even made up a new language which to this day I don’t understand but is hilarious that they still actually use it.
Then there were the kids who looked up to me—thinking that I was responsible or mature enough to advise and foster their leadership. They became the presidents of my clubs, student government, and other academic achievements.
The irony of my student’s question earlier is that so many kids like him who pushed my buttons. And some who didn’t. But the crazy part after returning in person. And going through these crazy 10 months with them was seeing how much they’ve changed from the first day they walked through my door as 9th graders. They weren’t lost or afraid. They weren’t brazen or immature (maybe as immature). But they grew up. And I did too.
Some students I worked with for two, three, and even four years. Almost every letter of recommendation I wrote this year had maybe too much bias and emotions in it. And I vicariously live through their hard work and achievements. It was also reconciliation and affirmation for me. I can’t take all the credit, but I’m honored that I played a part in their academic success.
To be honest, working at a school does get lonely. And much of my life the past four years were spent with many of these graduates. Whether or not they or I realize it—I was just as much of a freshman as they were. And I felt accepted and less alone because of them.
It really is true. You do learn from your students as much as they learn from you. And I owe a lot to this graduating class of 2022. I never got to properly send off some of my favorite students and now friends in 2021. And to both graduating classes, I still hold some regret. For not being the best teacher I could have been. For not being the best advisor I could have been. Because they turned me into one. They taught me so much. And I owe them that.
My classroom is designed the way it is today because of them. I found a new and sustainable passion for teaching because of them. And I can make a better classroom for future students because of them.
They always say that your first class hits different. And though I’ve had many firsts in this field. This was the first and once-in-a-lifetime experience with these kids. I don’t think I’ll ever relive starting anew as a fresh graduate with incoming 9th graders. Walking a 4-year path with them, changing grade levels with them. And sending them off.
My high school teacher always told me I never gave myself enough credit, which is true. But really,
“Who’s [my] favorite class?” I think you know.
Though this isn’t the end and I signed in many of your yearbooks—it’s been an honor being your teacher. I’m excited to see where you’ll go next.
I get so caught up in using writing as a tool to expel toxicity in my brain. I often put bright spots on hold or are in my drafts. Though I post about it on my private accounts for friends and family, I often find it difficult to find time to celebrate because writing when indignant helps me detox.
But it’s good to reflect, look back, and celebrate.
___________
When Porter announced the Nurture tour making its way to Red Rocks in February, Aya and I lost our shit. Too bad I had work. At the time, my focus was just to get through to President’s Day so Aya and I could make our way to Seattle for my birthday.
Fast forward through March (see my 28th birthday post for more details) Spring Break was upon us by the end of the month. As of pandemic, my usual plan is just to go down and spend quality time with Aya. And the FOMO in me just day dreamed about seeing Nurture live again at Red Rocks.
During lockdown in 2020, Aya and I had spent a lot of time watching DJ sets at Red Rocks. It just looked breath taking. I decided to stare at the Nurture Red Rocks post on Porter’s Instagram again. I looked through his give away for free tickets and figured why not sign up.
“Friday, April 1st, 2022”
My eyes widened and I looked at the calendar I have on my white board. Friday, April 1st was the weekend capping off Spring Break. I didn’t win tickets, but I did text Aya “I also just noticed that Porter’s Red Rocks show is the end of my Spring Break 👀 should we try going???? ”
This was our first offical trip together, if you will. At least the one where I got clearance with her parents. Although Colorado air was hella dry, it was really fun exploring another part of the country. Seeing Nurter live at Red Rocks was the perfect way to experience that venue. I wouldn’t have wanted our first visit to Red Rocks be any other way.
Colorado itself was really fun. I wish we had more days there to explore and eat our way through Denver. Maybe one day we’ll go to Aspen when it snows.
The following week was Aya’s long-awaited commencement. Our alma mater, University of San Francisco, finally hosted a ceremony for the graduates of 2020 & 2021. This was a well-deserved ceremony for Aya, our friends, and her family. It was honestly a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Though it was 3 years in the making, it was really cool to see a lot of our friends graduate with Aya.
Definitely, something I envied because I graduated alone. Though I had some classmates/friends I knew. It wasn’t with people who were my closest friends in college at the time. It was so fulfilling to see that multiple graduating classes of our friends and housemates got to celebrate and relish this moment together.
This same weekend Aya and I met Tim Hardaway after he was inducted into the hall of fame. We didn’t know it was him at first, especially cuhs neither of us know basketball like that. Though we didn’t get a photo, I can say that I bought Tim Hardaway a shot of Casamigos to celebrate his induction.
We went to Napa later that weekend where I got to experience some great food and wine tasting for the first time. Our parents finally met at Aya’s graduation dinner. It was really a memorable and joyous few weeks.
Balasbas Says 